Monday, August 31, 2009

Baptism

This weekend my niece got baptized. She is eight years old, and therefore deemed capable of making spiritual decisions of eternal consequence. She was beautiful, looking very much like her mother. Baptism means two new outfits; my niece is every inch a girly girl. Her mother made her the baptism dress, and she bought a frilly white gauzy thing for after. In a home where new clothes are rare, this means a lot.

She was beautiful and excited. The speakers kept on talking to her about choice, and her confirmation blessing talked about all the choices she will make. Two thoughts on this:
a) How can an 8-year-old make choices with eternal ramifications
and
b) How much choice can there be when it is your ONLY choice growing up in a TBM family?

I left the church when I was 22, and that was a choice that I could only make while living 3,000 miles from my believing family. It was difficult to cut through everything to what I wanted. All that year, I would do these meditating exercises where I would get to the core of me. I would take away what school had taught me, what society had taught me, what my family wanted, what my church wanted (that one was always last, and the most difficult to cut through). When I got to the core of me, I was happy. I was a happy idiot.

Describing this to my mormon roommate was an exercise in futility. She kept on insisting that THIS was my testimony, this is what god wanted me to find: the happy, obedient idiot.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Influence of Righteous Women, p. 4

In September's Ensign, the church did something special. I know they don't want their women to feel left out or neglected or unappreciated.

The article starts out with all the women in the scriptures: the mothers, the wives, and the "ideal wife" in Proverbs. Uchtdorf mentions that all our women, "grandmothers, aunts, mothers, and friends" are so important in the lives of our youth. Without the mothers, the church would die. Women need to stand strong for that which is correct. Hinkley then lays out what exactly women can do:
Stand for righteousness in their homes
Teach in their classes
Voice righteousness in their communities

So, a woman's role is relegated to home, church, and carefully controlled community activities. Women need to be an example, not by fulfilling themselves, but what they watch and how they dress.

Also, a woman has a unique and feminine identity that encourages women to develop their abilities. How do women develop themselves? College? thinking? working? doing that which they chose to do?

No.

You serve. In relief society. In young womens. In primary. Oh, and in private. You can care for the poor and sick, teach children, serve missions.

The gifts of women are so diverse (look how many ways you can serve!).

The article states that "Latter-day saint women are encouraged to acquire an education and training that will qualify them both for homemaking and raising a righteous family and for earning a living outside the home.... IF THE OCCASION REQUIRES."

I hate that caveat. It's on everything about women... get an education, if the situation requires. You should only work outside the home, if it is absolutely necessary. And throw in with the ever-present caveat stories like the one from LAST month's issue of the Ensign: a women has to BEG heavenly father for FORGIVENESS for wanting to work outside the home and getting PISSED when she comes home from work and expected to do all the child care and cleaning when her husband apparently does jack shit. SHE has to ask for forgiveness and pray to god that she can be back home full time.

So, women's purpose is "to make life sweet today, to give contentment to the heart today, to bring salvation today." Especially in the FLDS church, there is a huge emphasis on staying sweet. It's not as pronounced in mainstream mormonism, but you can bet your ass it's there.

Also, the article says things like "as you live up to this mission, in whatever life circumstance you find yourself--as a wife, as a mother, as a single mother, as a divorced woman, as a widowed or single woman..." it's like a fucking hierarchy... and like your value is determined by relation to either husband or children.

MY GOD!!! So, SO irritating. Articles like these appear in every publication of the church, on a regular basis. But the church isn't misogynistic. Riiiiight....

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Polygamy: Take II

There is a lot of disagreement in the church about what polygamy is, how it should be practiced, whether or not it was righteous, if it is for everyone (see here and here)

There is a reason that of questioners of mormonism, it is the women who are hit the hardest by polygamy. Men overwhelmingly are not bothered by the doctrine of polygamy: they don't mind that for the first 70-80 years of the church, polygamy was preached as absolutely necessary to exaltation. Many men think "why would a man want the headache of more than one wife, and the accompanying jealousy, infighting, backbiting, etc." So they can disagree with polygamy on principle, but not beyond that.

Women, on the other hand, feel polygamy on a visceral level. Women can empathize with other women being put in a situation where they HAD to bow to their husbands to such a degree that they had to share him, not question the nights when he slept with his other wives, work within a vicious hierarchy, operate under the knowledge that they could be "given" to other men if deemed necessary or appropriate by the "prophet." Even good faithful mormon women don't think about polygamy more than absolutely required (correlation helps with this: no one talks about polygamy, so no one has to think about polygamy). I have heard faithful mormon women say that they are grateful that polygamy isn't something that is required of them, and if it were, god would strengthen them.

On online support groups, men who are trying to get sympathy from believing wives are always advised to push the polygamy issue. Nearly every woman, no matter how believing she is, can get riled up about the blatant disregard of women's rights, and/or feelings. Men are generally convinced by logical arguments about the historicy of the Book of Mormon, or something equally logical.

It just really bothers me that the church doesn't talk about it, and because they don't, there is no consensus on any of these issues. You can't even talk about it because mormons can always come back with "that's not right. That's not what we believe." And you can't really argue it, because NO ONE knows what is mormon doctrine, not even the mormons.

I just wish the church would be clear, so that tearing it apart would be that much easier. Maybe the fact that nothing that they believe is clear proves that it is not true; who wants to follow a god who is confused about what his people should believe?

Saturday, August 1, 2009

July

So, July was apparently a total loss for blogging. I guess I didn't have much interaction n with the church during that time, or nothing incensed me too much. Oh, except for two things:

#1)
I went to a ward party. And OMG are those things dour or what??!? My brother had made dutch oven brisket, and the only way I could have some is if I followed him down the street to the park. There were cars lining up and down the street. One of the men in the bishopric had a hat with a fan built in. God, those are awful.

I didn't socialize. I got my food and sat by my family. I am still falling under the radar, after my brother told the first counselor that I think I am an agnostic. I hope that being left alone holds.

#2)
There was an incident in the church plaza where two homosexual men kissed and got thrown out of the plaza. It is fine to have private property where you dictate everyone's actions; but then it cannot be a public thouroughfare. I just want the church to make up its mind. It's just more bad press for mormonism.